WHY WE NEED TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY
I have written a lot on the topic of motivation in recent newsletters - which is essential to our understanding of human behaviour, both as coaches and as individuals who may be striving for a change in lifestyle habits and a way of being in the world. but finding it difficult to stop being "tripped up". Just when I think I have read all the current literature on the topic, I find yet another great publication, this one by Hugh MacKay, the prolific Australia sociologist who throws another curve ball at us. MacKay, in his book "What makes us tick" describes ten desires that drive us to do with we do. There is a lot of overlap between Mackay, Daniel Pink and the Heath brothers in their analysis of the deep motivators in our lives but I really like "What make us tick" as it makes the distinction between what we need and what we want. It is the latter that makes us choose how we live and ultimately how society operates. These drivers are not about survival, they are about choices.

THE DESIRE TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY
This is the first of the ten but it deserves special consideration as it is so important and so often overlooked. When I read this first chapter I could relate it to so many situations where sometimes dysfunctional behaviour arises from the burning desire to "count", to be acknowledged, identified, appreciated, remembered. It also made me think of how this unmet desire can adversely affect relationships with each other, at home and at work and how a better understanding of this can lead to a better understanding of each other.

Key points:

• Although we like to fit in and take part in many similar activities and behaviours, we yearn to be "known for the ways in which we differ from each other". This is the main reason why whe racism and sexism for example, when aimed at us, cause us such grief. We do not want to be marginalised, minimalised or lumped in a bunch!

• People need to maintain their own identity even when part of a group, partnership, team or other collective entity.

• Teenagers struggle with not being taken seriously more than other age groups.

• Some people are hungrier for recognition than others due to past trauma, neglect or disappointment and will seek it out much more actively and be wounded when they don't get it.

• Self obsession, arrogance and narcissism are all perversions of our need for recognition.

• Although hardship and the occasional put down can spur us on to regain our self respect and succeed, in many cases people will seek respect in a number of ways ranging from success in sport, finance, comedy or even by committing some of the worst crimes imaginable.

• People who have been put down a lot in life will tend to do the same to others, as if paying back the injustice they have experienced.

• Minority groups thrive on persecution simply because they are being noticed!

• The best form of recognition does not come from praise or rewards.

What is the most effective way to take someone seriously?

TO LISTEN TO THEM! As always, many of these observations of human nature back up the reason why coaching works. To listen to someone is to give them the greatest gift of all and it is not a natural skill. Whether it is through counselling or coaching, many people will get the greatest benefit because someone was committed to listen to their story and to accept them for who they Are.

This reminds me why I love working in the area of coaching and also backs up the need for these communication skills to be taught in all areas of life - schools, corporations, families, friendships - pretty much anywhere we have contact with others. Could your life improve with more exposure to this skill set?

COACHING LIGHTS UP THE BRAIN

Coaching is being used widely to promote learning and growth. In health and wellness, we know that our clients are more likely to achieve lasting changes in lifestyle behaviours, In the corporate world, coaching can improve the smooth running of the organisation, produce higher productivity and potentially more profit. In schools, better learning and student performance have been seen and in the medical world, Doctors nurses and other healthcare professionals are “connecting” more with their patients. We know that coaching works, we also know that a lot is done in the name of coaching that isn’t necessarily following the key principles of the coaching model.

After listening to Richard Boyatzis speak late last year at a conference, I recently read a report on his research which provides hard evidence of the effects of coaching on a person’s brain, by using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI).  I felt excited enough to pass this on as we often struggle to explain and justify why coaching is a better approach.

To create any change, it is essential for a person to be able to imagine possibilities. How could things be different? Often the first question we ask is, “How would you like things to be?”  Depending on what has gone before, or how resistant a person is to change, this question can produce widely differing results.

“Coaching with compassion” is a term coined by the researchers, Richard Boyatzis and Anthony Jack which emphasizes focusing on the individual’s own goals, rather than following the coaches' agenda.  Their research is aimed at showing how coaching, (in its purest sense) can open up the coached person’s brain to “consider possibilities” and hence, increase learning, rather than to become defensive and close down. This will often happen in a typical performance review when the individual is asked to focus on their deficiencies and weaknesses.

By seeking to arouse a “positive Emotional Attractor” a coach can help create positive emotions and the consideration of change. If the coach tries to “fix” the problem or emphasizes flaws or other shortcomings, the opposite will happen the Negative Emotional Attractor will be activated., diminishing the possibility of change or learning.

The experiments involved groups of students who were coached by two people using very different styles. One coach asked questions which focused on envisaging a positive future and the other focused on “a person’s failing and what they ought to do”. The brain scanner was used a week later when the students were shown a video of the coach they had seen the previous week. Sure enough, 7 days later, the students who interacted with the more “compassionate” coach had more positive brain activity – what they refer to as “visioning” – ie contemplating possibilities then those who had worked with a more negatively focused “coach”. (Not a coach as far as I’m concerned!) The other interesting fact was that even when neutral questions were asked, the initial interaction still affected the students’ responses. Which shows that by simply talking to a person about their desired, personal vision for 30 minutes, that interpersonal relationship will produce a positive response when the person chats to the coach about even neutral topics.

HOW CAN WE SIMPLIFY THESE FINDINGS?
Whatever position you hold, when you interact with a client, an employee, a team member, with the view of helping them improve some area of their life or work, if you focus on deficiencies, shortcomings or failings, or approach them with your solution, you will shut down their ability to even imagine a change, let alone create one! However, if we engage with them in a positive, facilitative manner that helps them envisage a more positive future, their brain will switch on in a completely different way and the likelihood of their moving forward is so much greater.

What better evidence to support a shift to a coaching approach and the need to train more people in coaching skills?