WHAT DO WE NEED FROM OUR FRIENDS?
It's the time of year again when we try and get creative with our gifts. We hear "Give the gift of good health" constantly and less rarely, "Give the gift of friendship". Now you may wonder what this has to do with wellness coaching and why would I choose to write about relationships that are essentially personal, not professional. The thing is, the more I work in this arena, the more I realise how much we have to learn from the coaching model that will help us in our lives on a daily basis.

You see I often watch and hear conversations between people. Not because I'm a nosey parker but because I am interested in the rhythm of conversation and the sense of emotional connection between others. We shouldn't have to work hard with our friends should we? But we do.

For some reason many of us think it is our duty to help our friends. Not in the support sense (although we'd say we are supporting them), but with this thing called advice. It is as if by nature of our relationship that we think we owe them the benefit of our opinion regarding decisions they have to make. And I question the value of this. There may be times when they are embarking on a path that we see as being clearly foolhardy, however, jumping in and telling them they are wrong, crazy or just plain stupid wouldn't be the best course of action. Would it? Yet we send this message so very often. We may not use those words and conceal them with phrases like, "If I were you.... I"d... " We might as well add, "Because I know best!" I have frequently heard people say, "I had to counsel "Jane" last night over her relationship issues. The tone of voice implies that they had to "put Jane straight" last night with their better judgment. You see where I am going?

What gives us the right to assume that we know best when it comes to our friends? How can we possibly know what is going on in their heads and hearts that makes us the expert on what they "should" do? I'm not suggesting for a minute that our support isn't needed but I think we should deliver it wisely. Perhaps we could consider the following:

PROVIDE INFORMATION NOT ADVICE - my catch cry of the month. If you do have knowledge that may be useful to your friend, let them have it but make it information that they can choose to use however they wish.

ASK QUESTIONS TO INCREASE THEIR SELF AWARENESS - by that I don't mean "Did you know that John is a bad choice of guy for you?". Perhaps a gentler, "Have you considered whether John meets all of your needs in a relationship?"

BE SUPPORTIVE BUT DON'T THINK YOU HAVE TO PROVIDE THE ANSWER - your friend is quite capable of coming up with the answer even if they are saying, "I don't know what to do!" Your best response would be, "Yes, but you'll work it out for the best."

BE THEIR BIGGEST FAN - your friend will love to hear that you have faith in their ability to work through their challenges. Let them hear where you think their strengths lie. Do this sincerely and that is a real gift of friendship.

BRAINSTORM - if you want to roll up your sleeves and help in a more collaborative way, help them work through all their options. Sure you can throw in a few of your own but make sure most come from your friend and yours present a few different choices.

BE A SOUNDING BOARD - Listen to their troubles and reflect what they are saying without interpreting, advising, educating, counselling, one-upping, shutting them down, interrogating or correcting. Try and let them know you have heard what they are feeling as much as the details.

WHY THIS CHANGE IN APPROACH?
Because ultimately people want to be self-determining. Being told what to do is disempowering and when we are close to them, it can be a form of emotional blackmail. At least when a paid professional tells us what to do and we don't want to do that, we can walk away knowing that it won't cost them any sleep. Not with our friends! Imagine if we were to be able to completely wipe the smug saying, "I told you so!" How liberating.

Many of you will relate to this as you read. I know what I need from my friends and I hope I can deliver the same back. But it takes self control and great empathy and restraint at times. But it makes sense doesn't it? And our friends will love us more, not less and seek our company instead of avoiding our advice. And that's a gift in itself.

COACHING IN LEADERSHIP AND MEDICINE

I have recently returned from the long trip over to Boston to attend this conference and also to participate in a summit on the future of health and wellness coaching. see below! I was so very fortunate to be able to be there for these two events and I hardly know how to begin to report on what I saw, heard, experienced and learnt!

I had been to this conference two years earlier and knew I was in for a treat with some of the big name speakers. What I hadn't expected was how similar their messages were to what I truly believe is the direction we are heading. Wellness and Executive coaching are quite different disciplines, or so I thought. One is about changing behaviour and the other is usually about improving performance. Life coaching seems to float somewhere in the middle on elevated ground perhaps, or perhaps not, depending on who is delivering and what training they have had.

In the two days of the conference these coaching modalities merged to become one and the message was simply, help people create a better life for themselves.
Sir John Whitmore brought sporting analogies into his presentation with humour and truth which illustrated how ludicrous the expert approach was compared to the more effective coaching approach. And Sir John is now heavily involved in coaching in education and organisation. His message was simple. Coaches have two functions - a) to increase awareness and b) to generate self responsibility in their clients. I love it.

Talks on leadership and "Coaching with compassion", blended with sessions showing how theory from family systems therapy can be used in the individual's change. My favourite area of study, motivation, came straight from the horse's mouth when I listened in awe to one of my heros, Edward Deci, recount his enormous depth of research that we have all been studying at Uni for 30 years or more. I have been greatly influenced by Daniel Pink's recent publications and yet here was this highly respected, far from new expert talking about our three basics needs of a) competence, b) autonomy and d) sense of relatedness to others. A variation on the theme but grounded in evidence based research.

We heard (and saw cold hard facts) on how the brain reacts when stress causes the sympathetic nervous system to kick in - and destroy brain cells.. And how when our parasympathetic nervous system is activated (by yes, caring for others and aroused compassion) we grow new brain cells! so the coach gets the benefit too!
Coaching with compassion is just so much better than coaching for compliance.
Barbara Fredrickson rose to lofty heights in my estimation when she presented her research on how positive emotions could transform our very existence and all we had to do was put a plan in place and choose to experience them. Keegan spoke on how we actually build an immunity to change to protect ourselves and how insight can alter these patterns of stagnation and behaviours that do not serve us well. These were just a few but they all blended into one simple message. Coaching is the way of the future and the means to allow people to experience these "better lives". You may wonder how this assortment of information could relate to health and wellness coaching. Every word has relevance, significance and meaning to what I hope to take to coaching and to training coaches. I was in very good company. The mix of psychology, health, medicine, wellness and leadership was perfect and I came home clearer, more grounded and convinced that I am one of the luckiest people in the world to be doing what I do.

THE SUMMIT
How could anything top the experience of the conference? but it did. One and a half days in the company of the key players in health and wellness coaching in the US was a little daunting but I wouldn't have missed it for the world. The aim was to come up with a consensus of thoughts on the way forward and despite the seemingly different needs and views of the attendees, that's what we did. I was moved to write a description of what went on when flying home and this will give a blurry picture of what followed but it says so much for the process that was used; that of appreciative enquiry.
We left with the blueprint of a plan that will be taken to the white house to convince them that money should be allocated to this area and that the people involved were working together to help change the healthcare system and ultimately the health of the nation.

POSITIVITY - A NEW SCIENCE

One of the many topics covered in the recent Coaching in Leadership and Medicine conference I attended in Boston was that of "Positivity". Now like many people, I used to view the fluffy attitude of thinking positively as being rather non descript and very closely linked with new age pop psychology and not terribly grounded in research. Now I know I am wrong. After listening to Barbara Fredrickson speak for two hours and then reading her book called, yes, "Positivity" I have a completely different view of the value of creating positve emotions in ourselves, our client, our co-workers or any team that we are part of and have influence over! I'll let you read it for youself but in summary:

Extensive research shows:

* Positivity doesn't simply reflect success and health, it can produce success and health.
* Positivity broadens and builds (broadens our ideas about possible actions and builds new skills, new ties and new ways of being).
* How much is enough? 3 to 1 positive to negative emotions is the ideal ratio. Not 3-0. Negative emotions are part of life and help us deal with sadness, injustice, loss or other challenging situations.
* Positivity has to be "heartfelt" or it doesn't count!
* Your thoughts can create positivity. "What's working well for me right now?"

The research showed improvements in the following areas when participants were put in a positive state before experimenting:

* Creativity increases
* Scope of attention increases
* Positivity has an upward spiral effect
* Relationships improve due to the change from "me" to "we" view.
* Positive emotions eliminated racial biais in recognition experiment (you have to read this experiment to truly appreciate the impact it could have!)
* And this one I love - people in diverse groups are inspired by positivity to set aside divisive group identities.

I experienced this latter fact in the summit that followed the conference where 68 very different people came together to discuss and agree upon the future of health and wellness coaching. Read my refelctions below which I was moved to write after experiencing a process of appreciative inquiry which created a huge change in the group and helped produce unexpected outcomes.

"We went into the retreat as a group of individuals wearing our positions, experiences, our qualifications and knowledge as a cloak. Some people’s cloaks were bigger, better and more brightly colored than others. We shared on e thing – a desire to have an agenda met.

We left having discarded our cloaks, holding the structure of a plan which had turned all our individual agendas into a collective dream that could be realized.

Along the way we transformed by letting go of fear, by getting in touch with our strengths and by having blinkers removed that allowed us to see others’ strengths. We became the best of who we were and in this state everyone flourished. Fear, suspicion and competition were replaced by warmth, affection, humour and appreciation. Energy became contagious so that each person was engaged and inspired to offer their best.

How did this happen? By the process of appreciative inquiry, negativity was knocked on the head. Instead we agreed to take off our cloaks and appear vulnerable to each other. From this new place we saw who we really were and recognized commonalities not differences. It was a shining example of how a simple process can harness all that’s good in the world and infuse each individual with hope, love and excitement.

A truly awesome experience."


The ten identified positive emotions in Fredrickson's work are precise - joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe, and love. Get to know each one personally. Your work and personal life could change. The conference I attended brought home to me how my work in wellnesss coaching is so parallel and appropriate for use in the corporate world. The very fact that the conference was focused on "Coaching in Leadership and Medicine" backs this up. It really was an amazing event and the speakers each brought the same message. We need a new approach to make a better world.

No need for Wellness Coaches in Bali

We learn so much from travel. From stepping out of our culture and being part of another one, even if temporarily. This is why we are drawn to travelling to different countries. We often come home with a slightly new slant on our lives. I am at the end of my second trip to Bali in as many years and last year was moved to write a blog on the way the traffic worked! Here I am again, struck by the uniqueness of the system in this crowded little centre surrounding the major tourist spots, but this time I see that the traffic becomes a symbol of something bigger than that and this is part of why I love this place and its people.

I’ve noticed that there are some unwritten rules in Bali as far as traffic is concerned. The aim of everyone on the road is one thing only – “to keep the traffic moving”. Now at home the main aim is usually “to get there first and in front of as many people as possible”. And this promotes road rage and high stress levels and does nothing for relationships. We use our traffic situation as a way of expressing any pent up anger we have about our lives in general but it also is a way of expressing our strong cultural values about success, about winning, about beating others. It’s not like that here. When you have families travelling on one bike (I mean, parent, three kids and the dog), people around are not interested in racing round them. There is a respect for others that is refreshing amidst the pollution, dirt and heat. When the lights change, traffic from two directions merges into one lane, which in Australia would cause chaos and numerous accidents. Not here. One day we observed a rather wild looking young man riding a bike all over the road with a video camera on his helmet. He looked at us, recognizing fellow Aussies and yelled, “this is insaaaannnnee!” whilst weaving in and out and putting people around him at risk. The funny thing was that he was the one who looked insane. The locals carried on in their organized way, with the silent unspoken hum of “keep the traffic moving”. I love it.

I also love the way the people accept things for what they are. We were served by so many delightful smiling faces who not only wanted to get to know us, but wanted us to “come back and stay here”, as if the big resort they were working in was their home. They are sad about the loss of the rice paddies, the simplicity and frequency of their ceremonies which has been eroded by the growth of tourism in certain areas, yet they still serve and showing affection for the people who are responsible – the tourists. Yes, we know that we pay the bills and bring a better (?) quality of life to many, but does that really qualify for that extra pat on the arm or hand holding by a lowly paid masseuse on the beach? I think not. You see they really do love people and seem to approach life with a natural positivity that assumes people are to be liked unless they prove otherwise.

So many of our problems in western society come from our fears of a) not being seen to be as good as everyone else and b) not being loved enough. A very simple view but I think with some truth. If we could take away those two fears imagine how much easier our lives would be. How could it affect our stress levels, our relationship with food and alcohol, our judgment of ourselves and others and consequently our lifestyle behaviours? I’d be out of a job that’s for sure. I don’t think I would get work in Bali but boy I’d like to spend more time here because it’s good for the soul.

Knowing what we do and why we do it

I've really had the concept of "awareness" put in front of me in recent weeks and it has got me thinking about the role it plays in our behaviour. The popular technique of encouraging clients to record what they are eating, doing, or even thinking is very valuable in both personal training, weight loss, wellness coaching and self help models. After all, if we don't know what we're doing, how can we go about making the changes we wish to make? I have often questioned whether becoming aware is enough to move us forward but generally agree that it is the first step. I really enjoy working with people on the next step which is working out why we do, think, (or eat) certain things! Coaching can unlock some pretty significant realisations about our patterns and the payback we get for making certain choices. But we do need that first step and time can get in the way of our recording each and every thought and action in our day.



A TOOL TO MAKE THIS EASIER?

I have recently had the interesting experiences of being exposed to a tool that caught my interest among the many products that cross my desk and I decided that I would trial a sensor armband that apparently could pick up how much exercise or even movement I was performing in the course of a day! It would record how may calories I was burning based on skin temperature and even what length and quality of sleep I was getting. Now that interests me. LIke many people, I spend a lot of time doing what I am doing now - using a computer - being sedentary, whereas in a former life I might have been moving around a Health Club, making sure that things were running smoothly and talking to people. A lot more incidental activity. Although I am a regular and at times, vigorous exerciser, I was intrigued to find out what went on during the rest of the day. And what would be the difference between say running a workshop on my feet, and a day in the office? Was I really sleeping for all those hours I lay in bed.



FACING THE TRUTH

Then there was the really confronting part. I had to log my food if I wanted to get a totally accurate measure of whether I was in calorie deficit or excess. Now that was more difficult. It took not only effort and organisation on my part but strangely enough, some real willpower to actually record those occasional high fat, high sugar impulses, or that extra glass of wine. There I was - my own client and I started to understand that awareness can sometimes be a little more difficult than we'd imagine!



THE REASONS BEHIND IT ALL

As I reluctantly entered my erratic eating habits which I had previously believed to be well balanced and on the whole, pretty good, I really was facing the realisation of why I was eating that way. No one had to ask me "why"? I knew that it was often lack of planning, tiredness and poor prioritisation. Bingo. Enter the wellness coach who could help me create a better routine in my head, if not my body! There was relief in knowing that we do have a role to play in supporting our clients in their desire to change. The exercise has given me a greater understanding of just how valuable the initial part of creating awareness is in the success of any change plan. Knowing what we are doing has to be the first vital step before we ponder on why we do it and how we are going to make the first change. And then, before we begin, take time out to work out what will motivate us to stay true to our commitment. How will our life change for the better if we make these changes? This experience was a real reminder for me not to assume that we know ourselves and our behaviour as well as we think we do!

(The sensor armband is not yet available in Australia but will be in coming months. See my earlier blog or email for contact details.)

Big Brother on my arm

I am temporarily (permanently) attached to a device that sits on the back of my arm and is attempting to measure my metabolism – as in desired information being calories consumed (recorded by me and testing my honesty) and calories expanded, measured by the device! Bodymedia fit make this device called a sensor armband. I am trialling this device as I see value in the information for coaches or trainers who are helping people make lifestyle changes. This is being a very interesting experience for me on many counts:

1. It is making me become very aware of what I consume, how I consume it and what influences my choices.
2. It has added yet another task to my day on the computer which I resist madly.
3. I am now really thinking about how much movement is in my life, intentional or planned.

So what have I learnt so far?

• I’m pretty active, especially since my work involves a lot of (as noted) computer work!
• I can’t sit still for very long – will find an excuse to move from my office.
• I often eat without thinking and my choices get worse when not planned ahead.
• Which then makes me realize that I am often “reactive” – to hunger, fatique, convenience, whereas I would prefer to be responsive to my brain and my body at least in choosing what I eat.
• I sleep more than I thought - despite waking several times a night I still average about 7 hours. Yay. I love sleep and am not very good without it.

If I can learn from this device, imagine what people who really do want to lose weight can learn from their movement, eating and sleep patterns! To me it seems like a very useful tool in the change process. Step number one - First establish what you do!

More later in the week when I tell you how it responds to my rather varied exercise pattern and my thoughts on whether knowing the “what” is enough to prompt action.

The Rider and the Elephant - a model for change

How many times do we start a new project or make a resolution to change our daily routine to include some healthier habits and very soon relapse back to the old way of doing things? The trouble is that nearly all of our behaviours (about 90%) is made up of habits. And changing habits takes hard work. When we coach people around improving their 'wellness' we break it down into parts of a workable model that has been shown to be effective. We need a vision, we need to identify obstacles, it helps to recognise what strengths we can bring to the process and of course we need a plan. This is easy to understand but I am always excited when I read of new ways of explaining this to people - when I find a more colourful analogy that might just capture people's interest who have grown discouraged by multiple failed attempts to 'make change stick'.

Ted and Dan Heath, in their book 'Switch' do just this. They have broken down the change process into simple concepts that are easy to picture in our minds, which in turn makes it easy to apply them. They talk about the process of change being likened to a 'Rider and a Elephant' and how the rider who sits on top of the mighty beast is akin to our cognitive reasoning, or mental decision to make a change. We know it's the right thing to do. We understand the benefit of adopting these new lifestyle behaviours. Our rider thinks he is in charge. However, he is really trying to control a mighty beast, the elephant, which is representative of our will or emotions. The rider sits on top making decisions about where to go and attempts to steer elephant below, but he has limited control due to the size of the animal. Unless the elephant is also committed to going in a certain direction, he will blunder forcefully ahead on another path and the rider is simply carried along, despite knowing where he would like to go.

This great analogy supports an important principle of coaching - we need to engage the head and the heart - the rider and the elephant. If we think of the rider being the director of our will-power - our strength to be disciplined, and our ability to resist the easy option, we can then see that his strength is limited. If the rider is constantly fighting the elephant, he will soon tire. Unless we have our elephant on side, who will help carry us along the desired path? In short, we need to engage our emotions in the change process. This applies to someone wanting to lose weight or to get fitter in exactly the same way as it would to adopting a new organisational policy (or a corporate health program). Unless the rider is directed and the elephant engaged, the change won't stick.

So when we are planning our strategy for change, if there are obstacles to overcome or difficulty in effecting the change, we need to ensure that emotions are heavily involved. In the wellness coaching model, we talk about needing to have a 'heart felt reason to change'. Same concept.

We can take this further. Once the rider has decided which path to take and the elephant is on side, we can make their journey easier by shaping the path ahead - by removing big obstacles that could get in the way and making environmental change that helps progress. Take the high fat food out of the fridge. Make the forms easier to complete! There are few change processes where this wouldn't apply.

If we layer coaching on top of this model, we provide another missing ingredient. Confidence. In the last issue you would have read about the importance of consistency. The step by step approach. This allows people to achieve small successes which in turn promote confidence. A good coach can help increase a client's confidence. Without a confident rider our elephant just blunders in the wrong direction! So in summary:

• It's the elephant not the rider who is in charge with his six tonnes of weight
• Self-control (or willpower) that the rider is responsible for, is a limited resource so should be conserved. If we use it in one situation it may not be available in another
• It is always smarter to plan in advance and shape the environment to make the elephant's path smoother
• We need to find the feeling, not the intellectual reason for change - something that makes us care
• Instead of raising the bar, we should put it on the ground to make achieving small steps to success easier

We can learn a lot from what has been written on the subject of motivation. We just need to apply it to our world. There's nothing new about what it takes to make change stick, we just need to increase our understanding of what influences our success.

Worrying - a useful process or a much-maligned habit?

What is worrying all about?
The very word 'worry' makes many of us worried. We know we have the tendency to do too much of it and we have a guilty assumption that is a waste of time, at best, and a destructive, confidence-killing habit at best.

What is worry?
Worrying is what we do when we turn things over in our minds and explore different outcomes to situations - we usually fixate on the negative outcome rather than the positive outcome - otherwise it would no longer be worrying. We then imagine what else (bad) could happen if that negative outcome were to occur. It's a way of exploring and anticipating what could go wrong and in a way can help us mentally prepare for the worst! The words, 'but what if...?' are frequently in Worry Time.

The main reason for worrying receiving such bad press is the belief that it doesn't change a situation and only stops us sleeping or doing something more productive with our lives.

But can worrying be productive?
If you revisit the statement above that contains the word 'explore', we start to see worry in a different light. Imagine if we were never to worry and managed to block all slightly distressing thoughts from our minds. When unfavourable events happened (as they do form time to time) we would be ill-prepared to deal with them. So perhaps we need to refine our worry so that it becomes something of value to us. Perhaps a lesson in worrying constructively might be of use?

Sports psychologist Dr. David Krauss believes that daily practice in worrying is advisable. He encourages his top athletes to worry 'on their terms' rather than being the victim of anxiety. In his book, 'Mastering the Inner Game' he suggests setting time aside each day to worry. Do the job, tick the box and get on with the rest of your day.

So how do we worry constructively?
First, identify the main issue or issues that are causing concern. Sometimes we think we are worrying about one thing but it hides something bigger. If we can identify the value underneath the area of worry, it will help us focus on what the emotions it's producing - usually anxiety - and we can give it our full attention. So let's say we worry about not meeting a deadline. The real fear behind this could be the realization that our motivation to complete the task is not that strong, which could mean that we don't enjoy our job. And if we face up to that fact, it might then necessitate some greater, scarier decisions.

Worry is associated with anxiety. By recognising anxiety and sitting with it for a while, we avoid blocking the fear with worry. Worry is generic, dull feeling and hard to put aside.

Tools we can use:
When we have identified the real fear we cna then test its validity. For example;

• I am afraid I am going to lose my job?
• What will happen if I lose my job?
• What would that open up for me? What would I need to do?
• Is there anything I can do now to either a) prevent losing my job or b) prepare myself for the next action required if I do?

Worry sometimes goes hand in hand with indecision and procrastination

If you find yourself in that uncomfortable place, try coming up with the age-old list of pros and cons. In coaching we call it a Decisional Balance as it provides a list that highlights the negatives and positives of taking a certain action. When they are written down, they are often easier to evaluate and assess. And guess what? When they're on paper, they are usually not scurrying around our head in a scrambled (worrying) fashion. This is a great way of problem solving but worrying is a bit different. We often worry about things that we have no control over at all. That is a waste of time unless it produces actions that we can take that will improve the situation.

In our daily worry time we can aim to have an action plan that concentrates on things we can do that will reduce the anxiety. So change your thinking. Instead of worrying about how much you are worrying, make your worry work for you!

A new take on what drives us

We read a lot of books and information these days - there is so much out there that it's hard not to collapse under a pile of facts, research and interesting commentary! But now and again, we read something that really makes us think.

The interest in 'motivation' has been constant but the real research started 40-50 years ago. Of course who wouldn't want to know, 'Why do people do what they do?'. With Wellness Coaching Australia, I work in the corporate sector and also in the fitness industry and the question of what motivates people is of paramount importance but for slightly different reasons. In the corporate world, more effectively and with greater satisfaction? In the health and fitness industries we want to know how we can help people find their motivation to change behaviours that are not working for them and adopt new behaviours that might work better?

Daniel Pink, in his latest book 'Drive' suggests that there are really only three things that motivate us (once our most basic needs for food, safety and shelter are met). These are:

1. Autonomy - the desire to direct our own lives
2. Mastery - the desire to continually improve at some thing that matters, and
3. Purpose - the desire to do things in service of something larger than ourselves

He also suggests that the traditional approach of the corporate world to use monetary incentives as a way of getting people to work harder can actually be detrimental to their performance. Not only will it not inspire people to strive for bigger goals, but it can destroy their enjoyment of the task and result in poorer performance!

In the health and fitness industry, are we right in assuming that the desire to look and feel better are the main motivators for people to make change in their habits? Perhaps not.

The interesting part of coaching is that we dig deeper to find the more complex and significant reasons why people want to change or move forward. When someone loses weight for example, and we ask what this was like for them, we will quickly hear comments such as 'life changing', 'I feel I have control over my life for the first time', 'I have a new purpose in my days and am about to change my career'. Losing weight can be transformational in more ways than a reflection in the mirror. Good coaches will help their clients tap into these possibilities, before they begin, to help create the motivation to stick to a plan.

And in the corporate world, with work becoming so much more creative and conceptual and the rise of the not-for-profit organizations, we really need to re-think the role that financial rewards play in undermining employees 'inner drive' to work because they enjoy it. There are better ways of encouraging your team to succeed.

This is not a new concept but Pink speaks out against the traditional view and advises his readers to go on a journey of discovery and throw out the 'carrot and stick' method of encouragement. This supports everything that the coaching model stands for which is about helping people take control of their lives, to strive for something that is important to them and to understand why it is important to them. Whether you are in the corporate world with a team of people who you lead to perform, or you are a trainer or club owner with the responsibility of delivering change programs that work you cannot afford to stick to an approach that is outdated but instead need to learn how to uncover people's inner motivation. The smarter operators are already re-thinking their system of 'encouragement'.

What does being WELL mean?

Wellness has many dimensions. Physical 'wellness' is generally the first we think of. Suitable levels of fitness, body weight, muscle strength and flexibility, good nutrition, sleep and postural wellness are all important in living 'well'. But let's not forget mental 'wellness'. The ability to handle stress, control negative thinking and recognise and understand our emotions are very important if you wish to live a productive and satisfying life. And then we have relationship 'wellness' which takes into account our need for meaningful and lasting connections with others and the ability to communicate with people in all areas of our lives - at home, at work, in friendships and the people we come in contact with on a daily basis. Let's not forget organizational 'wellness' where mentoring and coaching programs can improve the culture and attitude of the people who spend a large proportion of their life at work.

Last week I had the privilege of spending three days with the team of lecturers from RMIT who I will be joining in teaching the Masters of Wellness program this year. I listened with interest to them describe their course content and had a chance to reflect on where wellness coaching fitted in. Ranging from positive psychology to permaculture, food science to wellness assessment, intuitive healing, eastern anatomy and yoga to mention a few, it really brought home to me the depth of the concept of wellenss. When I am asked my work, I explain that I coach people to help them achieve 'optimal mental and physical health' which gives me some boundaries to operate around. But the reality is that wellness pervades every area of our personal and professional life so the boundaries are imaginary. When we consider community wellness and global wellness, we start to realise just where this area of learning can stretch to.

So where do we as wellness coaches draw the line and do we need to draw the line?

I have noticed over the years that when a person desires change in one area of their life, such as let's say 'increased fitness' or 'weight loss', and they write a vision around what they want in this area, it often expands to include other changes that they hadn't previously thought of. It's as if the question 'why do I want to be lighter?' stirs up the motivation to improve other areas such as professional satisfaction or improvements in relationships. It may be simply to have a less 'cluttered' existence. This is what makes wellness coaching endlessly fascinating and rewarding.

The Trust Economy

Developments in cyber space have created a refreshing phenomenon in business. We now have a world where people pay without seeing goods, rely on the word of others, share intellectual property knowing that this is the best way of building goodwill and getting their message out there. It's known as the 'Trust Economy'. The internet has done this. We use it for everything. As we become more reliant on laptops, we feel more comfortable communicating online rather than face to face. We would rather make an email enquiry than speak to a person who can answer any questions that may come up. And the younger age groups will share their lives with thousands, sometimes creating an exaggerated image of a life on social networking sites.

Face to Face Relationships
Where does this leave the traditional way of relating to others, or even to ourselves? Wouldn't it be wonderful if this new trusting approach applied to our lives offline. Maybe we could learn to trust ourselves more - listen to our own intuition instead of old irrational fears that have been bred into us by others or past experience. If we could learn to invest in ourselves in the belief that we have what it takes to succeed and to share our fears and dreams honestly with those close to us. Perhaps we could learn to ask for help more instead of wrestling with the growing isolation of depression in our communities.

Coaching as a way of communicating
The wonderful thing about being coached or coaching others is that this starts to happen immediately. It is impossible to enter into a coaching relationship that works without laying everything on the line. When we confront the barriers that get in the way of what we want, we are revealing something of ourselves often on a deep level. By shining the light on fears and recognizing that they have no real basis, we can move to a stronger operating platform. As a coach, we cannot work with clients without learning something about ourselves in each and every session.

So whether you want to achieve something different in your life or if you work with others and want to learn a more effective way of helping them - seek out a good coach, pick up a good coaching guide or take part in a workshop with others who share the same passion. Be part of a growing movement that can change the way we relate to the world, online and offline.